To Be or Not To Be....?

Dear bloggie,

Evening darling~ How are you this cooling yet warm evening? (lol) I actually had my great time at college with the barbecue and even before that, the DRAMA >_>


July

4th ~> Class was great... Quiz wasn't that.. Had only 12/15 which i think was ok ok la... Seeing me that i only started last night *grin*~ Then later in the evening at about 5pm, went for this American Independence Par-Te (?) which was pretty cool but before the Par-Te, there were speeches by *wind blows my sisters curtain* <~ Eh? It's REALLY cooling tonight! XD Anyway, back to speech. It was by some American guy ^_^'' don't know his name... seriously. After that was a tiny play by sean (chua), nick (someone >_>), grace (the small), fook ning (the smiley) and jojo and her friend. It was kinda screwy because there was no planning. Not very surprised since it kept changing every 5 minutes... Poor Leit had to like, "Eh wait wait wait...! Here is when you ____ and then ____ before ____," and it goes over like 6 times.

In the evening, after all the speech and stuff, we had barbecue =3 haven't had it since MaMa knows when ~ Melmel, Yvey and I end up helping the Fayette girls since they were short of hand ^_^ it was fun; helping with the food unlike buffet and the food goes all over the place. After food was talking talking and a lot of talking. A nice performance (singing) by one of my juniors from high school, Aaron... or however he spells his >_< (so sorry...!) The talking was basically on the FIRE club thingy about how to make a little more money since we lost the bunch. Better known as replacing the lost =3 Next week same time same day is the Lecturers Day... Talking about that, i MUST collect the posters at the 5th floor since the receptionist was great! "Better by monday if not she'll ask 'why only they give me now etc," LOLZAH~ so thats good! XD i'll follow her plan.

After that was another performance by sean (chua), Leit (the small) another high school junior and Aaron. Was a nice one. I didn't know sean could dance! He never did in school! After that, shaking of booty time~ I really didn't and don't get why ppl are shy to move. It's just so hard to dance. I ended up pairing with Melmel. NOTHING FURTHER. WE DANCED *full stop* you nasty readers. Was really really good~ I don't have much reason to dance at home because i want a pair to dance with... T^T daniel fails in that >_> I LOVE shaking. Wish i had the motivation to just practice! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH... Yvey, Melmel and Iylia had to just dump me at 9pm and ten minutes after they left, i followed =3 (I WAS BORED, I HAD NO PARTNER.). And now i'm after my shower typing a whole short essay about what happened. Not everything, but better than nothing =3


It's not really about the dance and all but, i received a really sad sms when i was in news reporting class which i was already not feeling well so much so that i felt like leaving for home earlier and forgetting about the Par-Te... Daniel couldn't make it just now. He was stuck playing his CS. Sometimes i don't know if the game is more important than me. But yet i know its not. He loves me more than it (or i think) but he said its his last game he'll be playing... I really wished he would come. I really wish he was here. I see couples there just now cuddling a little and holding and a little touching and i was pretty jealous. Since he came back from Miri, we didn't get much chances to sit down and really talk. We ended up cleaning up my room or he'll end up sleeping all the time. It really hurts thinking about this now but i don't wanna keep it all inside either. I don't want him to come tomorrow because i don't want him to waste his money just to come over to my place for a night and 2 days then leave. Things aren't getting any cheaper and he's not working anymore.... I really know that he misses me as well but... Sometimes i just wanna be selfish and think that i have a point in what i say as well. He insist on coming over tomorrow but i don't know what time or when. He had his finals just now and came in 2nd. He wasn't very happy about but (whatever). Right after that he said he needed a nap. He's been working hard. I don't wanna add the burden...

I'm being very frank here and i'm saying so much now that i really miss him. Sometimes i sit down and wonder what these guys are thinking. I know they're missing their other yet they're like so ego about that (i realize that my sentences today is REALLY REALLY SHORT). I want a long relaxation time with him. The hugs and kisses. Hugs are good enough for me too. The confusion cloud is so above my head now. I don't him to come over tomorrow, but i want him to come as well. I want to tell him off but, i don't have the heart to. I want to cry, but i don't wanna cry at the same time.

Does he know how i feel now?

Once bitten, twice shy...

Dear bloggie,

I have no intention to write anything here at first but felt like talking to someone or anyone today but everyone is either busy or they're just the wrong people. I won't post anything special tonight, just something i learned by accident. Of loving Daniel so much, i should have known better to keep my clicks to myself. The last thing that i would want to do now is to venture into his old posts before i met him; like what i did a couple of minutes ago. I didn't know i'd be this jealous when i saw him type about other girls. What more naughty bits and pieces of them (to and about). I was feeling down since the day before this week because i know that i miss him terribly and haven't had the time to be with him really close and talk to him about everything under the sun. That's, i suppose one of my very very bad habit. I love sharing with Daniel everything i know, see and listen. And when i don't, everything gets bottled up and i get all frustrated. It's not that i don't like sharing with anyone else but it's just me as a Scorp. I prefer sharing intimates with the one i really really love and it's just him. My mum has been grumpy since she was having her kidney failure. My dad never really listens anyway. Even if he does, he'll end up with a long philosophy... Which isn't something anyone would want to know >_>

Anyway, about the pass few minutes ago. I was bored and kinda upset when i found out that i was spamming and writing the unnecessary at the Gforum. I guess the only reason why i do is because i have been TOO comfortable with other forums that i spill everything about me. A very good example would be the AIC or atlantis info center. My family was there. I had Proyo as my elder sister or more like my mum ^_^''' although she was not that old. And she isn't! Then there's Alonq who was really like an along! DivineKid like a younger sister to me... Ravenmin who's my great old classmate and best friend... Kluang wasn't like my dad for god's sake! He's more like an uncle... Yea ^_^ the nice funny and jovial uncle i know. Then there's Tangerine or i call her tangy who's like a cousin because i didn't really know her that well but better than nothing. And of course Panthera Sapiens who IS my foster brother or i call, "Kor".

So back to my story i was talking about just now. Yes it was my mistake to treat somewhere I'm not familiar with as my own. My bad. But the whole point is that, i was bored, i went to the testimonial thread because i knew that Daniel was a great person at Gforum. He was and is so respected my many that sometimes i envy him (what the fuck is wrong with you O_o). I don't get that kind of respect from anyone; even my parents to be frank nor my little sister. Yea they love me, but not that kinda respect. Hoping that one day I'll get that. No one ever did say things like, "Yes i respect you" or anything related~ but what the fuck eh? I do respect myself and thats final (you jealous bitch).

I was waltzing through the posts about him and how good and great he was that was undeniable, but noticed different things instead. I knew that he was the perverted guy and so did everyone at ALL forums he went to. Eh, which guy is not anyway? ^_^'' Even my sister is XD okay okay yea. We all are in some point. So yea. Waltzing through and he was then, THEN flirting with some other girls at the forum. Kinky, very kinky words which then strike me. There went my jealousy vein, AGAIN... I never had this towards him actually. In fact told him that, "You don't have to try to make me jealous. I'll never be," Well, eat those words ya bitch! It kinda like yelled back at me >_> for some reason. Maybe i as stupid for being jealous. But i just... i don't know. I know it IS my fault. But i just hate to see it! I don't and never expect to see such things! "Oh she has WET PINK YUMMY LIPS" And that wasn't the first. Oh yea, "SEXcretary". And looks like i replaced her position! Geez who am i kidding. I just really really really really really HATE it. So much! That i am going through a pile of these! All because i was bored and felt lonely and a part of my heart was missing.. And now this.

It's been great going for the survey, had a play or two and slept. I just got home from sending him back to his uni by the way. I still can't get over that whole SEXcretary thing!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
and maybe never will >_> (you jealous bitch!)

I know he won't lie and cheat me... But if you are a women, girl, lady, what ever, sometimes it's just insane if you think he won't, but it's also insane that you think he will. I hate being a human.... @_@ I know he didn't. It was posts two years back. It's just that i still can't get over those phrases! It keeps ringing in my head! I read a few and thought, "Nah, it's just his old friends," and read funny other testimonials and i laughed about it (OH FUCK THOSE NEIGHBORS OF MINE AT THE BACK WHO ARE SCREAMING AND SHOUTING AND YELLING LIKE CRAZY APEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!! EVEN APES DON'T DO SUCH STUPID THINGSS!!!!) and when i accidentally encounter another, i just couldn't take it anymore. I suddenly HAD to burst into tears. And this is something i call my friends, 'jealousy outside the box' Thank you thank you~

Don't worry, plenty more to update on in the future days after my finals. Not very fond of them, never was. Never will. Just being same ol' Diane Shannon. Okay, off to bed now since i have nothing more to confess. Other than crying again (you cry baby!). Good night bloggie. I'll see when I'm done with this finals of mine. Oh yea and i have a party after the exams~ WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~ Hope it'll be fun! Oh and Daniel won't be tagging. He's got class >_> Booze'll be serve! Woohooo!!!!~ Night~