Once bitten, twice shy...

Dear bloggie,

I have no intention to write anything here at first but felt like talking to someone or anyone today but everyone is either busy or they're just the wrong people. I won't post anything special tonight, just something i learned by accident. Of loving Daniel so much, i should have known better to keep my clicks to myself. The last thing that i would want to do now is to venture into his old posts before i met him; like what i did a couple of minutes ago. I didn't know i'd be this jealous when i saw him type about other girls. What more naughty bits and pieces of them (to and about). I was feeling down since the day before this week because i know that i miss him terribly and haven't had the time to be with him really close and talk to him about everything under the sun. That's, i suppose one of my very very bad habit. I love sharing with Daniel everything i know, see and listen. And when i don't, everything gets bottled up and i get all frustrated. It's not that i don't like sharing with anyone else but it's just me as a Scorp. I prefer sharing intimates with the one i really really love and it's just him. My mum has been grumpy since she was having her kidney failure. My dad never really listens anyway. Even if he does, he'll end up with a long philosophy... Which isn't something anyone would want to know >_>

Anyway, about the pass few minutes ago. I was bored and kinda upset when i found out that i was spamming and writing the unnecessary at the Gforum. I guess the only reason why i do is because i have been TOO comfortable with other forums that i spill everything about me. A very good example would be the AIC or atlantis info center. My family was there. I had Proyo as my elder sister or more like my mum ^_^''' although she was not that old. And she isn't! Then there's Alonq who was really like an along! DivineKid like a younger sister to me... Ravenmin who's my great old classmate and best friend... Kluang wasn't like my dad for god's sake! He's more like an uncle... Yea ^_^ the nice funny and jovial uncle i know. Then there's Tangerine or i call her tangy who's like a cousin because i didn't really know her that well but better than nothing. And of course Panthera Sapiens who IS my foster brother or i call, "Kor".

So back to my story i was talking about just now. Yes it was my mistake to treat somewhere I'm not familiar with as my own. My bad. But the whole point is that, i was bored, i went to the testimonial thread because i knew that Daniel was a great person at Gforum. He was and is so respected my many that sometimes i envy him (what the fuck is wrong with you O_o). I don't get that kind of respect from anyone; even my parents to be frank nor my little sister. Yea they love me, but not that kinda respect. Hoping that one day I'll get that. No one ever did say things like, "Yes i respect you" or anything related~ but what the fuck eh? I do respect myself and thats final (you jealous bitch).

I was waltzing through the posts about him and how good and great he was that was undeniable, but noticed different things instead. I knew that he was the perverted guy and so did everyone at ALL forums he went to. Eh, which guy is not anyway? ^_^'' Even my sister is XD okay okay yea. We all are in some point. So yea. Waltzing through and he was then, THEN flirting with some other girls at the forum. Kinky, very kinky words which then strike me. There went my jealousy vein, AGAIN... I never had this towards him actually. In fact told him that, "You don't have to try to make me jealous. I'll never be," Well, eat those words ya bitch! It kinda like yelled back at me >_> for some reason. Maybe i as stupid for being jealous. But i just... i don't know. I know it IS my fault. But i just hate to see it! I don't and never expect to see such things! "Oh she has WET PINK YUMMY LIPS" And that wasn't the first. Oh yea, "SEXcretary". And looks like i replaced her position! Geez who am i kidding. I just really really really really really HATE it. So much! That i am going through a pile of these! All because i was bored and felt lonely and a part of my heart was missing.. And now this.

It's been great going for the survey, had a play or two and slept. I just got home from sending him back to his uni by the way. I still can't get over that whole SEXcretary thing!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
and maybe never will >_> (you jealous bitch!)

I know he won't lie and cheat me... But if you are a women, girl, lady, what ever, sometimes it's just insane if you think he won't, but it's also insane that you think he will. I hate being a human.... @_@ I know he didn't. It was posts two years back. It's just that i still can't get over those phrases! It keeps ringing in my head! I read a few and thought, "Nah, it's just his old friends," and read funny other testimonials and i laughed about it (OH FUCK THOSE NEIGHBORS OF MINE AT THE BACK WHO ARE SCREAMING AND SHOUTING AND YELLING LIKE CRAZY APEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!! EVEN APES DON'T DO SUCH STUPID THINGSS!!!!) and when i accidentally encounter another, i just couldn't take it anymore. I suddenly HAD to burst into tears. And this is something i call my friends, 'jealousy outside the box' Thank you thank you~

Don't worry, plenty more to update on in the future days after my finals. Not very fond of them, never was. Never will. Just being same ol' Diane Shannon. Okay, off to bed now since i have nothing more to confess. Other than crying again (you cry baby!). Good night bloggie. I'll see when I'm done with this finals of mine. Oh yea and i have a party after the exams~ WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~ Hope it'll be fun! Oh and Daniel won't be tagging. He's got class >_> Booze'll be serve! Woohooo!!!!~ Night~